Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
