census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
