He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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