This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
