you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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