are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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