I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
