mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think my fart just growled at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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