she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
