Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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