He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
