Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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