You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
