Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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