Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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