Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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