1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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