She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
