Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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