just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
