three words: i give head
three words: not that well
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
