You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
