I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
