Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
