I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
