I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
3 2 1 whiskey
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
