I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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