whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
