We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
