So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
