It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
