i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize