I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
