So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
