I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
