that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
