Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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