Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
