Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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