hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
