How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
