she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
