Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't deserve a penis
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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