If that was your dad, he is hot
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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