I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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