that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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