it was like eating out sand paper
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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