Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
