Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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