Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
