Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Are we still banned from the library?
3pm strippers are depressing
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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