I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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