ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
