my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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