I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
