I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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