I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
