Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
