just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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