They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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