at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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