u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
