Cold hands, warm shart.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
