i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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