Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
