I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
