Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
