The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
