I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
