I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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