Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
