I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
