I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
