No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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